I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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