My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
