Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
