I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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