You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
