Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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