I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Randomize
