oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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