i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
