I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
