Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
