hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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