Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
