You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
