I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
