I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
