After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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