I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
