I want to make a zoo with you.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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