I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
