I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
