it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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