I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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