i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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