I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
