So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
it's great music for shaving your balls
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
