what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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