can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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