we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
