Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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