Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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