I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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