I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
