Me. At least after what I've been through.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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