I want to walk on stilts...naked
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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