Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
