My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
