Swine flu is the new snow day.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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