...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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