I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
