Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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