Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
