if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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