at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
