what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
