Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
