I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
