i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
