Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
