I have demons in me.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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