I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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