come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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